Written in Mid October
This is painfully late. There are some good reasons for this, I mean accurate reasons, I wouldn't necessarily call them good. At any rate, another ITUnPro hiatus is hopefully behind me. Still being equal parts proud, lazy, and OCD, time will only tell. These traits create a situation where I do not want to update my own web-log/journal/blag if I am not 100% happy with it. Right now, I must log in via phpMyAdmin, insert rows, and make sure all the foreign keys match by hand. This is unacceptable, and I should just finish updating my CMS back-end to streamline this process. So while I may be bursting with ideas, I rarely follow through, as the path is covered with processes I'm not proud to admit I use. Compounding this is an inability to just edit one photo, and what's a post without a heap of photos?. If I have 1200 photos I need to sort through, but know I only need one or two, the lot will sit until I have the drive to address them all. This pile tends to build up, so the tip over point in the drive bucket gets higher and higher as time progresses, further delaying the work. This is a lot of words just to say something as simple as "I'm just really lazy and too particular for my own good", but I would be remiss if I didn't at least try to explain.
Wait a second, did I read that right, I've been here a year! Many a stories have been gained. Many experiences have been experienced. Many many more to come. Often I lose site that this is a temporary point in my life, and it just becomes my day in and day out. This is the strangest sensation when I think about what it will be like in a year, where will I be, what will I miss from here?
Some major events or revelations so far (most of which have not been told at length on here): I've found out I am allergic to everything below the equator as well as above. I've scarred my cornea's... twice in two different ways. I've witnessed the first student strike in my history. I've been in a moving bus while a wheel just feel off and rolled away. My vision has regressed as predicted by current/leaving volunteers. I've taken rides from complete strangers more often than not. I've met some awesome people, in my group, in the new group, in the old groups. I've not cured my technology addiction as I currently spend about 12 hrs a day on my laptop. I really miss things like reliable safe power, and online shopping. I am an excellent cook given almost any materials. I enjoy reading novels! I can finally think and function while sweating (this was not possible before), although I still get irritable when sweating. I'm getting better about leaving home without a plan and not worrying about it. I am not a party-er, and probably never will be. I've raised and passed what the doctor calls a "heavy load" of worms. I have learned that I will never be an astronaut (this hurts). Scabies really suck. Fungi really suck. I still play Freecell to calm myself down (405 wins and counting).
Other ponderings (looks like I made that word up, Mrs. Thin Red Underline): I'm at a part of my service that goes by many names, but "Mid Service Blues" seems the best way to describe it. It is when you look back at your lofty goals and dreams, and find you can rarely tick anything off as accomplished. Then you begin to ask questions like "What am I doing? Am I helping? Is this worth it?. What the hell is Peace Corps anyway?" Knowing that this period is to be expected helps a little, but nothing is more painful to me that taking the high-beam of ambition and lowering it, further, and further, and further. I am no more numb to this now than when I started. In fact, it is more disheartening to see all of the new volunteers arrive with their high hopes and grand dreams, knowing that I was once there. Perfectionism and high drive are equal parts assets and folly in the PC it seems. I speak for myself in this, as we have a lot of truly gifted people in our groups, and it would be better for them to tell their stories themselves.
It is not all hopeless, bleak, and bleached. I cannot know the ways the computer education I am giving will help my students down the road. I try my best to teach things like self advocacy, persistence, love of learning, and courage to ask questions. These will be true assets to students who grab hold of the concepts and run with them. Who knows where it will take them
Each day is mixed with both highs and lows. They are somewhat magnified by my surroundings, and some spill out onto the keys here. I live in a tropical paradise. I don't work in a cubicle (hooray!). I see colors in the ocean like aqua (which does not exist in Oregon), and I fall asleep listening to it each night. I am finding out about myself in a way that wouldn't be possible anywhere else, both good things and bad. This has been a wild ride, and only about half over! Alright, this is starting to ramble, thanks for reading
The next entry will probably be no where near as existential.
Pictures are just ones picked at random from fun times in Vanuatu.